This is a podpost for Podcast Episode 36. Does having children make people less happy than those without? Short answer, yes. Long answer, it depends on how many children you have, whether you are a man or woman, how happiness is defined, and whether any of these studies that attempt to quantify happiness can be taken seriously.
Disregarding the general merits of studies that have people express their level of happiness in multiple choice form, the findings that children do not necessarily make people happy should not be shocking to any new parent (and I happen to be one). Babies scream a lot. They poop a lot. They NEED NEED NEED all the time and all they can give is the occasional super cute coo and cuddle. Toddlers scream a lot. They poop a lot (not always in a diaper). They NEED NEED NEED all the time and all they can give in return is the occasional hug, kiss, and super cute ballerina twirl.
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New Here? Welcome! I'm Meredith, a podcasting, blogging, overthinking, military marrying, sorta homemaking, grammatical phrase abusing new mom. (Over)Thinking Mom is my attempt at combining the mommy blog with MPR, mommy public radio. Read more ABOUT ME AND THE SHOW or SUBSCRIBE HERE.
Baby number two is here and I’m….happy? Obviously, I’m excited by the birth of my lovely son, but am I happier than I was when I had one child or no children? In my first podcast back after a long long hiatus I examine some of the studies purporting to show a decline in happiness as people have children. What can we make of these studies? Can happiness be defined or measured? When will I sleep through the night again (sadly, that last question isn’t answered)?
Sources:
“One baby or two? Study looks at effect of having second child” by Judy Hill
“All Joy and No Fun” by Jennifer Senior
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I took a long long hiatus from this blog and almost stopped paying my liquid web fee because I had no time, energy, or inclination to talk about myself and motherhood. I started this blog because it was fun and it stopped being fun, what with the morning sickness, the transition to toddlerhood, the difficult delivery and birth of my luckily not as difficult as Amelia baby boy, and the NO SLEEP that comes with having a two month old. I have no illusions of blog grandeur and figured my online echo chamber could disappear forever, but the blog bug bit me at 2 in the morning (because I’m up at 2 in the morning on a regular basis. Did I mention I don’t sleep? I told Dave my only fantasy is to check into a hotel room by myself, eat cheesecake, and sleep until I can’t sleep anymore). This isn’t a viral blog, so like a good diet (ahem eating plan), I shouldn’t fall prey to the all or nothing syndrome. Just because I fell off the posting and recording wagon, doesn’t mean I’m gone forever.
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Amelia switched rather ungracefully from two naps to one around 16 months. Her first nap was becoming really short and I knew, based on too much research, that the average child will switch to one nap around 15-18 months. I figured getting the transition out of the way before Baby Number 2 arrives was a good idea, and it has been…mostly.
The only major problem I have had with this transition is shower time, as in, mommy like needs to shower before noon and baby can’t be trusted alone in the house while I am out of commission. This is the plight of the stay at home mom, and probably the working mom as well, a plight I imagine gets more complicated the more kids you have. How does one actually shower with a toddler around?
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Potty training. Yuck. My brain is about to explode. I literally just read a 50 page evidence report called “The Effectiveness of Different Methods of Toilet Training for Bowel and Bladder Control” done by The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. It was about as exciting as it sounds.
Why was I reading an evidence report, the kind of literature that includes lots of abstracts and objectives and executive summaries? I’m starting to not trust anything about toilet training and it’s driving me crazy. Some people claim we Americans are waiting too long (white Americans I should say) by pushing toilet training to 2.5, 3, or even beyond years. Others suggest we make like our forebears and Europeans and force the issue before 18 months. Still others are all about elimination communication, the practice of toilet training from birth. Some say do it all in a day. Others say wait for the kid to decide. The American Academy of Pediatrics and Mayo Clinic support the child readiness approach, as does the Canadian version of the AAP, but Google toilet training and you will find a plethora of opinions, most of which have very little actual research to back them up, which means like with so many other parenting topics, no one really knows what is best.
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I have a problem, but not one I’m willing to solve any time soon. I read too many parenting books, hardly a surprise (the blog is called overthinking mom after all). I read a ton before Amelia was born and then revolted against these books by doing a podcast on the history of mothering manuals, revealing the changing and contradictory advice peddled to make moms feel guilty throughout the centuries (information I got from reading a book about this history). I stopped reading for a while (maybe a couple months), but then Amelia had colic, so I read about that. Now, at 15 months, my precious non-colicky new toddler is super spirited, which I actually love about her, but I’m exhausted. What do I do when exhausted? I read.
The first time around I was overwhelmed by the contradictory advice. Now I’m a bit more confident in my parenting choices and have learned what to toss aside and what to take to heart, not that the advice I’m tossing aside is garbage, but at some point you have to decide if you are a crib mom or a co-sleeper, a cry it out or an attachment parent, a time outer or a connector, etc…
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